Even though I've now been Stateside for two weeks, I'm not sure when to end this blog. Sure, it started out as a chronicle of my life in Argentina, but it has become a chronicle of me. I still find it therapeutic to write something here every week. I also feel like I'm still living in a sort of no-man's land between my life in Argentina and my struggle to build a new life here. I still feel so disconnected, so disoriented by my daily existence as I try to find a place for myself. How do I fit into the lives of my family and friends? They all seem so established, so purposeful. In contrast, I feel like an unmoored boat, drifting with the currents in the bay, waiting to either smash up against the rocks or find a slip all my own.
It hasn't been an easy week for me. The onslaught of job searching means that I've been applying to five places a day, sending my meticulously worded cover letters and resumes out into the wide, unforgiving, recession-depressed world of prospective employers. With each one, I feel a little tug of hope leave me, and by the end of the week, I feel drained. I've always found it difficult, sometimes nearly impossible, to stay balanced and healthy while job searching. Last night, I had a breakdown, raged and cried for awhile, and then headed out into the swirling snow flurries to watch The KIng's Speech all by myself. At the time, I wished I wasn't alone. Despite my physical isolation in Argentina, I've never felt more isolated from my friends and family than I do right now. But I learned a few things last night. Ten things I want to remember in the future, and share with you right now.
Ten Things to Remember:
1. These things take time. All things take time to blossom. All things whither in the fall. Life is good and bad, and constantly changing.
2. It’s only one rejection. And she was nice enough to take the time to write back to you. Hold that in your heart as an example of the good in the world, not the evil.
3. You are not a disaster. Neither are you a stunning success- in any way- but you are NOT a disaster. Some people, they just have a harder path through life.
4. What hurts most? Betrayal of your relationships? The hardships of finding success in a career? The inconvenience of living at home? The feelings of inadequacy when measured against others? Figure that out- what hurts most? Then answer this: what do I feel like I can fix? Try to balance the two. Tackle something not-so-huge and not-so-small. Be actionable in what you can. Let the others be until you can either tackle them better or they work themselves out.
5. There must be plan for you. Maybe your time just hasn’t come yet. Do you believe that change is coming? Do you believe that there will be a new world order in your lifetime? Yes? Then answer this: wouldn’t you rather be incredibly successful, find love, help others, in THAT world? If you had all those things now, maybe you would risk losing them when the great change comes. Keep doing what you believe, and wait for the world to suit you better. No? Then stop making risky decisions. Start thinking safe. What career will make me comfortable? What job can I get right now? What type of person do I think I can trust? This is the art of settling gracefully. How important is it to you to be comfortable NOW? Can happiness wait? For how long?
6. You made these decisions. Some of them may have felt out of your control, but you made other, preceding decisions that brought you to that point. Own it. Your choices, your path.
7. Sometimes people don’t know how to interact with you, so they don’t. It’s not personal; it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Everyone has their own way of helping a person in need. Look for the signs of caring and love in everyone’s interactions. Broaden your perspective to see all the little things. Even if you are feeling in need of something bigger, sometimes the little things add up to something larger.
8. Don’t make a daily routine of buying things. Avoid the urge to purchase. Think: Do I really need it? How long will I use it? How often? Is it an improvement/replacement for something I already own? Does it really need to be replaced? Do not let the mindlessness of consumerism fill in the empty spaces in your life. Fill those spaces with what you REALLY need. Love? Go on dates. Friendship? Make it a priority and look forward to it when the opportunity presents itself; don’t dwell on all the missed connections. Work? Find a way to volunteer close to home. Exercise? Do it! Move! Vary your routine. Don’t get bored!
9. Eliminate negative energy from your life. Sometimes it’s painful, but you must try. Talk to the people in your life about their impact on you. Good? Tell them how much you enjoy being around them. Bad? Tell them the ways they are hurting your positive outlook.
10. You do not have to play the victim to be noticed. You can be strong, confident, and well-balanced. The victims may get all the attention now, but you don’t have to feel so hurt by it. People come to you for solutions, not just problems.
I hope these ten things help someone else out there who might be feeling a little disconnected, drained, or hopeless. My love to all.
February 24, 2011
February 12, 2011
Mantra for Reentry
Three days now I have been home from Argentina. I have so many, many things to think about. So many things I should be thinking about. When I sit still and silent the thoughts rage around in my head in a million different directions, like listening to all the dialogue at a crowded party simultaneously. So many, many things to think about. So much uncertainty that it instantly makes me fearful, makes me feel small and helpless. I am afraid to sit still and silent with my raging thoughts. I am in the crossroads now and I kinda feel like I am standing in the middle, waiting to be hit. I don’t know from which direction the blow will come. I don’t know yet how the injuries will lay themselves down along my body, bleed their way into my mind. But I feel as though I am waiting, almost calling to that unseen truck to come hurtling at me through the night.
I know that I must sit still with my thoughts in order to bite back the fear. I must let the fear overtake me, to sit awash in the raging current of my thoughts and wait for clarity to emerge from the chaos. I must take action deliberately, consciously. I must not rush things, must not push myself too hard in one direction now. One day at a time. One step at a time. One single second following after another. Everything undertaken with an almost painstaking consciousness. All this or I will fall. I will fall into the swirling chaos of my fear and be lost; lose my precious, hard-won foothold on my future.
I will not give in. I will not settle. I will not demean myself or make myself feel less worthy. I will not be afraid of the possibility of failure. I will not compare myself to others. I will wait at the crossroads for now. But I will wait for clarity and direction, not disaster. I am not a disaster. I am a work in progress. I am progressing. Every day, one day at a time.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. This rising panic is not your true voice. This rising panic is a false path. This self-doubt is merely temptation. This fear is only a lack of confidence. Remember your ten reasons- beautiful, strong, inspirational, actionable… Believe in yourself, and be free. Believe in yourself and be strong. Believe in yourself and inspire others to do the same.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. This life, this place, this possibility: is beautiful. It is a gift to you. It is precious. Look around you: see the tall, green trees with their whispering needles. Feel the cool winter air. Hear the voices of your loving family. Relish the novelty of loose-leaf tea, cheddar cheese, bagels. All these things and more you did not have a week ago. Relish the novelty of inner strength, self-love, independence. All these things and more are new too. You are free, you are beautiful, you are a work in progress; progressing toward a brighter, clearer future.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. You are working toward a goal. A good goal. A wonderful goal. A goal that you would die for. Loving life: this is your ultimate goal. Do not forget- never, never forget- that each moment is a step in this direction. Your purpose is simply this- love yourself, love your life, love others. What strength in this future! Be patient, be kind, be loving to yourself and this life will materialize before you, no matter how many times you move. Patience, kindness, love. Patience, kindness, love.
One day at a time.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.
Repeat.
I know that I must sit still with my thoughts in order to bite back the fear. I must let the fear overtake me, to sit awash in the raging current of my thoughts and wait for clarity to emerge from the chaos. I must take action deliberately, consciously. I must not rush things, must not push myself too hard in one direction now. One day at a time. One step at a time. One single second following after another. Everything undertaken with an almost painstaking consciousness. All this or I will fall. I will fall into the swirling chaos of my fear and be lost; lose my precious, hard-won foothold on my future.
I will not give in. I will not settle. I will not demean myself or make myself feel less worthy. I will not be afraid of the possibility of failure. I will not compare myself to others. I will wait at the crossroads for now. But I will wait for clarity and direction, not disaster. I am not a disaster. I am a work in progress. I am progressing. Every day, one day at a time.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. This rising panic is not your true voice. This rising panic is a false path. This self-doubt is merely temptation. This fear is only a lack of confidence. Remember your ten reasons- beautiful, strong, inspirational, actionable… Believe in yourself, and be free. Believe in yourself and be strong. Believe in yourself and inspire others to do the same.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. This life, this place, this possibility: is beautiful. It is a gift to you. It is precious. Look around you: see the tall, green trees with their whispering needles. Feel the cool winter air. Hear the voices of your loving family. Relish the novelty of loose-leaf tea, cheddar cheese, bagels. All these things and more you did not have a week ago. Relish the novelty of inner strength, self-love, independence. All these things and more are new too. You are free, you are beautiful, you are a work in progress; progressing toward a brighter, clearer future.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. You are working toward a goal. A good goal. A wonderful goal. A goal that you would die for. Loving life: this is your ultimate goal. Do not forget- never, never forget- that each moment is a step in this direction. Your purpose is simply this- love yourself, love your life, love others. What strength in this future! Be patient, be kind, be loving to yourself and this life will materialize before you, no matter how many times you move. Patience, kindness, love. Patience, kindness, love.
One day at a time.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.
Repeat.
January 31, 2011
Seven Days
One week. Only seven days more in Argentina. Only seven days more of my grand adventure. It is an exceedingly strange feeling to be waiting to leave. I have been unemployed for nearly two months now, waiting out the summer vacation while I tried to decide if I wanted to stay (and find work again) or go back to the States (and find work again). It has been a strange, restless, shiftless time in my life. But finally, playing tourist is only fun for so long. For me, I think that time limit is about one month. Which makes me wonder about all the “round the world” tourists I’ve met down here, and how the hell a person can play tourist for a whole year? There is a sense of purposelessness, of waiting around for something that I find very unsettling. What exactly do you do with so much time in a foreign country without getting involved in the industry and society of the place?
About a month ago, when we first moved into our temporary apartment in Buenos Aires, I made a list of places that I really wanted to see in the city. It was a long list and covered everything from major tourist attractions to the once monthly all-you-can eat sushi and beer special at a local brewery. Some of those things didn’t happen for one reason or another, the most popular being that January is the crown of summer holidays and some local places simply shut down for the month (also some museums). January is also, coincidentally, the height of tourist season, with all the accompanying tourist traps and street vendors. So Buenos Aires is left with a somewhat strange vibe: many local, cheap places are closed while many very expensive, touristy places are packed. But despite some exceptions, I have done most of what remained on my list after some necessary pruning. Here is a sampling of my recent escapades in and around Buenos Aires:
- Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes (I took two full days to see all the fantastic art packed into this gem)
- Recoleta Cemetary, Church, and Street Fair (great place for some very tasty pan relleno from local vendors- cheap!)
- Japanese Gardens (if you have the money, try the sushi restaurant inside the garden… I didn’t have the money)
- Walrus Books, San Telmo (absolutely the best selection of English books in Argentina, and with a great, bohemian vibe too!)
- Nature Conservancy and Bird Refuge (runs along the waterfront and features the only true beach and wildlife in BA. I rented a bike right out front and zipped around the trails in a couple of hours.)
- Museo Evita (I really wanted to learn more about this national icon/goddess. This museum was both highly educational and aesthetically very interesting. Lots of layers of Evita-ness, including selections of her wardrobe, video footage, music, furniture and more. It’s all housed in one of the breakthrough “transition homes” she established throughout the country.)
- San Telmo Street Fair and Antiques Market (huge!!!)
- “Exploring” (i.e. wondering around aimlessly, but looking purposeful so as to avoid mugging) San Telmo, Palermo, La Boca, Puerto Madero, Boedo and upper Almargo.
- Weekend Trip to Tigre (the river delta of the Plata and Parana. I took a boat ride down some of the smaller inlets.)
- “Weekend” Trip to Rosario (further up the River Parana, which somehow turned into a 4-day trip because it was just too cool to leave… I would live here if I ever return to Argentina!)
- Museo de Ciencias Naturales (with dinosaurs!)
- As many restaurants as I can possibly justify: Peruvian, Japanese, Mexican, Turkish, Thai and the prerequisite empanada and pizza dives (better here than in Mendoza).
- As many Heladerias (ice cream shops) as I can justify.
- A seemingly never-ending search for a present for my sister. Today is her birthday! But I am having a hell of time finding something for her.
- Eating an inhuman amount of watermelon. I would call it a watermelon fast, except that I am also eating all that world food…
- Becoming intimate with the Bs. As. Subway system… very intimate (I am in love with the ease of transportation in the city after the nightmare of public buses in Mendoza)
- And some stupid stuff, like watching “Gulliver’s Travels” in 3-D, in Spanish, in the middle of the afternoon, or sleeping until noon, or hunting mosquitoes in my apartment before I go to bed.
It’s a list of my life for the last month. Perhaps it could be longer, or more interesting, or maybe include “earning money” somewhere among all the expenses and time spent penny-pinching, but in the end it’s all I have to show for myself lately and I’m sharing it with you. I can’t help but feel like I’m wasting my time, my precious last week, by not “doing” enough, or not doing the right things. But in the end, I think it’s just about doing things that are memorable to you, the traveler. Considering I just recalled that whole list from the top of my head, I think I’m probably doing ok. See (many) of you in a week!
About a month ago, when we first moved into our temporary apartment in Buenos Aires, I made a list of places that I really wanted to see in the city. It was a long list and covered everything from major tourist attractions to the once monthly all-you-can eat sushi and beer special at a local brewery. Some of those things didn’t happen for one reason or another, the most popular being that January is the crown of summer holidays and some local places simply shut down for the month (also some museums). January is also, coincidentally, the height of tourist season, with all the accompanying tourist traps and street vendors. So Buenos Aires is left with a somewhat strange vibe: many local, cheap places are closed while many very expensive, touristy places are packed. But despite some exceptions, I have done most of what remained on my list after some necessary pruning. Here is a sampling of my recent escapades in and around Buenos Aires:
- Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes (I took two full days to see all the fantastic art packed into this gem)
- Recoleta Cemetary, Church, and Street Fair (great place for some very tasty pan relleno from local vendors- cheap!)
- Japanese Gardens (if you have the money, try the sushi restaurant inside the garden… I didn’t have the money)
- Walrus Books, San Telmo (absolutely the best selection of English books in Argentina, and with a great, bohemian vibe too!)
- Nature Conservancy and Bird Refuge (runs along the waterfront and features the only true beach and wildlife in BA. I rented a bike right out front and zipped around the trails in a couple of hours.)
- Museo Evita (I really wanted to learn more about this national icon/goddess. This museum was both highly educational and aesthetically very interesting. Lots of layers of Evita-ness, including selections of her wardrobe, video footage, music, furniture and more. It’s all housed in one of the breakthrough “transition homes” she established throughout the country.)
- San Telmo Street Fair and Antiques Market (huge!!!)
- “Exploring” (i.e. wondering around aimlessly, but looking purposeful so as to avoid mugging) San Telmo, Palermo, La Boca, Puerto Madero, Boedo and upper Almargo.
- Weekend Trip to Tigre (the river delta of the Plata and Parana. I took a boat ride down some of the smaller inlets.)
- “Weekend” Trip to Rosario (further up the River Parana, which somehow turned into a 4-day trip because it was just too cool to leave… I would live here if I ever return to Argentina!)
- Museo de Ciencias Naturales (with dinosaurs!)
- As many restaurants as I can possibly justify: Peruvian, Japanese, Mexican, Turkish, Thai and the prerequisite empanada and pizza dives (better here than in Mendoza).
- As many Heladerias (ice cream shops) as I can justify.
- A seemingly never-ending search for a present for my sister. Today is her birthday! But I am having a hell of time finding something for her.
- Eating an inhuman amount of watermelon. I would call it a watermelon fast, except that I am also eating all that world food…
- Becoming intimate with the Bs. As. Subway system… very intimate (I am in love with the ease of transportation in the city after the nightmare of public buses in Mendoza)
- And some stupid stuff, like watching “Gulliver’s Travels” in 3-D, in Spanish, in the middle of the afternoon, or sleeping until noon, or hunting mosquitoes in my apartment before I go to bed.
It’s a list of my life for the last month. Perhaps it could be longer, or more interesting, or maybe include “earning money” somewhere among all the expenses and time spent penny-pinching, but in the end it’s all I have to show for myself lately and I’m sharing it with you. I can’t help but feel like I’m wasting my time, my precious last week, by not “doing” enough, or not doing the right things. But in the end, I think it’s just about doing things that are memorable to you, the traveler. Considering I just recalled that whole list from the top of my head, I think I’m probably doing ok. See (many) of you in a week!
January 16, 2011
A Little Optimism
Today is my 77th day officially smoke-free. Of all my accomplishments here in Argentina, I have to say I think I am most proud of my ongoing quit. Of course, I am starting to experience some of the benefits of better health, including more stamina and stronger lungs. I have even begun to experience a truly out of character inclination to go for a run. What is happening to me? I have ALWAYS hated running. Yet most of my family, particularly my father and sister, incorporate running as a central part of their lives. Does my hatred of the activity really originate in some personality trait, or is it simply a result of my conflicting love affair with cigarettes?
It is amazing to observe the many changes in your life when you remove a negative element. Our bad habits, fears, prejudices, and self-confidence issues are really no different from my smoking. They are all just negative elements in our lives that we desperately need to remove, whether we realize it or not. Like a cancer, these negative elements spread unknowingly, until they infect so many different aspects of our lives that it seems impossible to ever extricate them. But it's not impossible! It is difficult and it requires a lot of love for yourself, but with time and patience it is entirely possible.
As I near my 3 month mark of smoking cessation, I feel that this underlying lesson is perhaps an even greater gift than higher lung function or a new-found interest in running. It is also very complementary to other important lessons I have learned here, on this crazy adventure. They all culminate in this one shocking realization: In the end, almost anything (and maybe everything) is possible if you can learn to love yourself.
Last night, after a long day cruising the Parana/Plata River Delta in Tigre, I watched a screening of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. This fantastic, funny, and often disturbing film features a song entitled "The Origin of Love." It narrates an old creation myth which states that in the beginning, the two sexes were united in one single body, creating a perfect balance within each of us and eliminating the need to go searching the world for love. It's a good song in a good film, and I recommend it highly. But it is also a great illustration of what I think most of us have lost: self-love and the balance it provides.
I am hopeful that along with balance and a sense of peace, a greater focus on self-love might also help me realize a stronger purpose in my life, find healthier ways to care for my body and make better decisions, and allow me to love others more fully and less selfishly.
I have just 23 days remaining in Argentina. As this crazy adventure comes to a close, I realize that I feel more open and free, even more than when I came. Despite the unexpected heartbreaks, tiny tragedies, and terrible stress of this trip, I do think I got what I originally wanted out of my experience here. I came to Argentina wanting to fall more deeply in love, to live more passionately, and to participate in the world more fully. In the end, I think I have done all of these things, but certainly not in the way I envisioned when I was planning this adventure.
Like my path to smoke-free living, I know that learning to love myself will be a rocky path, full of old temptations and insecurities that "trigger" self-loathing and self-destruction. But like my increased lung function, there are so many little (and great) benefits along the way that I feel optimistic about my odds.
It is amazing to observe the many changes in your life when you remove a negative element. Our bad habits, fears, prejudices, and self-confidence issues are really no different from my smoking. They are all just negative elements in our lives that we desperately need to remove, whether we realize it or not. Like a cancer, these negative elements spread unknowingly, until they infect so many different aspects of our lives that it seems impossible to ever extricate them. But it's not impossible! It is difficult and it requires a lot of love for yourself, but with time and patience it is entirely possible.
As I near my 3 month mark of smoking cessation, I feel that this underlying lesson is perhaps an even greater gift than higher lung function or a new-found interest in running. It is also very complementary to other important lessons I have learned here, on this crazy adventure. They all culminate in this one shocking realization: In the end, almost anything (and maybe everything) is possible if you can learn to love yourself.
Last night, after a long day cruising the Parana/Plata River Delta in Tigre, I watched a screening of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. This fantastic, funny, and often disturbing film features a song entitled "The Origin of Love." It narrates an old creation myth which states that in the beginning, the two sexes were united in one single body, creating a perfect balance within each of us and eliminating the need to go searching the world for love. It's a good song in a good film, and I recommend it highly. But it is also a great illustration of what I think most of us have lost: self-love and the balance it provides.
I am hopeful that along with balance and a sense of peace, a greater focus on self-love might also help me realize a stronger purpose in my life, find healthier ways to care for my body and make better decisions, and allow me to love others more fully and less selfishly.
I have just 23 days remaining in Argentina. As this crazy adventure comes to a close, I realize that I feel more open and free, even more than when I came. Despite the unexpected heartbreaks, tiny tragedies, and terrible stress of this trip, I do think I got what I originally wanted out of my experience here. I came to Argentina wanting to fall more deeply in love, to live more passionately, and to participate in the world more fully. In the end, I think I have done all of these things, but certainly not in the way I envisioned when I was planning this adventure.
Like my path to smoke-free living, I know that learning to love myself will be a rocky path, full of old temptations and insecurities that "trigger" self-loathing and self-destruction. But like my increased lung function, there are so many little (and great) benefits along the way that I feel optimistic about my odds.
January 9, 2011
Nesting in BA
For the past several whirlwind weeks, I’ve been having a wonderful time exploring Argentina. I also hopped the border into Uruguay, which was a week of beachside paradise even though I never left the big cities of Montevideo and Colonia. I have thoroughly enjoyed being on the move again and I have felt more free and light-hearted since leaving the Eco Farm than I have in months. At certain moments: hanging out the open door of a moving train or gazing out across the Rio de la Plata from a white-sand beach, I think that I harbor something nomadic in my deepest soul. Yet in a little over three weeks, I found myself rapidly growing tired of life in a new hostel every night, of packing and repacking my backpack, which seemed to grow heavier every day (no, I haven’t been shopping…). So I suppose like most of my sedentary ancestors, I too have a strong nesting instinct and crave some order in my life.
In the service of this instinctual reaction to an unsettled life, I returned to Buenos Aires just after the New Year and set about renting an apartment. With almost exactly one month remaining before my return ticket comes calling, I was eager to find some small place to call my own so that I could settle down to the business of exploring the big city properly. To complicate matters, I am fantastically, overwhelmingly broke. As much as I would love to continue gallivanting around this enormous country, I think finding a semi-permanent home is probably the only way I can make my ever-dwindling loan from my parents stretch until the end of the month. And so, I returned to my old friend Craigslist, where with a little luck, I found a very cozy (i.e. small) apartment in a fantastic location (Barrio Norte, on Santa Fe) for slightly less money than my significantly larger apartment in Mendoza. Oh well, I am still saving about 50% by finally getting myself out of the hostel circuit.
I have now been in my new nest for almost a week. Unfortunately, I haven’t done much. I finally visited the Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes, a huge store of national and international artwork, including some pre-Columbian stone and textile pieces from the area. I made it through roughly half of the huge space, but it’s a free trip so I plan on returning to finish it up another day. I found some yummy, and surprisingly spicy Thai curry at a nearby restaurant. I located my local heladeria (always a necessity) and have become a faithful patron. But although my little nest is at the axis of all the major subway lines throughout the city, I haven’t managed to stray much beyond my new front door. Why do I feel so uninspired, after months of wishing I could experience BA while twiddling my thumbs in Mendoza?
The truth is: I’m pretty tired. I think I’ve reached that wall which looms in front of all budget travelers, when you spend so much time trying to find free things to do and save a buck that you feel just plain pooped by the time you reach your destination. I’m tired of the constant tourist traps. The poverty of the big city wears me down, and I feel an unreasonable sense of guilt when I am approached several times a day by dirty-faced children asking for money. I very badly want to volunteer, which would kill two birds with one stone by giving me something to every day and being free, but unfortunately even the non-profits, government aid agencies, and volunteer networks like South American Explorers require a “contribution” before they will graciously allow you to help out. This is one of my biggest frustrations: I feel like nothing more than a walking cash cow in Buenos Aires, more than I have any where else in Argentina (make that all of South America). I am tired of the assumption that being foreign equals being rich, and the myriad ways this wrongful assumption makes my life much, much more difficult.
If anyone has suggestions about free and fun ways to spend my last few weeks in Buenos Aires, I welcome suggestions. If anyone wants to share their own experiences of feeling worn out at the end of a long trip, I would like to commiserate. In the meantime, I am going to attempt to make some sort of schedule for myself, limiting my research time to one day a week, so that I can hopefully see beyond my front door.
In the service of this instinctual reaction to an unsettled life, I returned to Buenos Aires just after the New Year and set about renting an apartment. With almost exactly one month remaining before my return ticket comes calling, I was eager to find some small place to call my own so that I could settle down to the business of exploring the big city properly. To complicate matters, I am fantastically, overwhelmingly broke. As much as I would love to continue gallivanting around this enormous country, I think finding a semi-permanent home is probably the only way I can make my ever-dwindling loan from my parents stretch until the end of the month. And so, I returned to my old friend Craigslist, where with a little luck, I found a very cozy (i.e. small) apartment in a fantastic location (Barrio Norte, on Santa Fe) for slightly less money than my significantly larger apartment in Mendoza. Oh well, I am still saving about 50% by finally getting myself out of the hostel circuit.
I have now been in my new nest for almost a week. Unfortunately, I haven’t done much. I finally visited the Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes, a huge store of national and international artwork, including some pre-Columbian stone and textile pieces from the area. I made it through roughly half of the huge space, but it’s a free trip so I plan on returning to finish it up another day. I found some yummy, and surprisingly spicy Thai curry at a nearby restaurant. I located my local heladeria (always a necessity) and have become a faithful patron. But although my little nest is at the axis of all the major subway lines throughout the city, I haven’t managed to stray much beyond my new front door. Why do I feel so uninspired, after months of wishing I could experience BA while twiddling my thumbs in Mendoza?
The truth is: I’m pretty tired. I think I’ve reached that wall which looms in front of all budget travelers, when you spend so much time trying to find free things to do and save a buck that you feel just plain pooped by the time you reach your destination. I’m tired of the constant tourist traps. The poverty of the big city wears me down, and I feel an unreasonable sense of guilt when I am approached several times a day by dirty-faced children asking for money. I very badly want to volunteer, which would kill two birds with one stone by giving me something to every day and being free, but unfortunately even the non-profits, government aid agencies, and volunteer networks like South American Explorers require a “contribution” before they will graciously allow you to help out. This is one of my biggest frustrations: I feel like nothing more than a walking cash cow in Buenos Aires, more than I have any where else in Argentina (make that all of South America). I am tired of the assumption that being foreign equals being rich, and the myriad ways this wrongful assumption makes my life much, much more difficult.
If anyone has suggestions about free and fun ways to spend my last few weeks in Buenos Aires, I welcome suggestions. If anyone wants to share their own experiences of feeling worn out at the end of a long trip, I would like to commiserate. In the meantime, I am going to attempt to make some sort of schedule for myself, limiting my research time to one day a week, so that I can hopefully see beyond my front door.
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