Progress

For the past couple of weeks, I've really been struggling with being alone. With Pat working tons of hours at the hostel while his boss enjoys a pseudo maternity leave, I've been spending a lot of time on my own. Since we got together, Pat and I have been fairly inseparable and this has only been compounded by the move down here. My shaky grasp on Spanish and the general insularity of the Mendocinians has made me even more shy and reluctant to seek out friendships here. But I think I may finally be making some progress on dragging myself out of my shell.

Like many expats living abroad, I realized that I really have to seek out connections and make myself more open to meeting people every day. To this end, I've been making a concerted effort to spend more of my free time outside- in the park, in a cafe, or just taking a stroll. Of course, this is made infinitely easier by the long-awaited arrival of warmer weather and it is really pleasant to recline in the park with a good book now. Last weekend, while I was doing just that, I heard the familiar pick-up line: "Hey, where are you from?" It's not very creative, but it's popular. Instead of ignoring it altogether I smiled and responded in kind, which led to a surprisingly pleasant conversation with an interesting and well-traveled Mendocinian in spanglish. When I told him I was here with my boyfriend, he didn't immediately mumble an excuse and walk away as I have come to expect, but shrugged and said "bad for me, but good for you!" An unlikely start but a new connection that I hope will prove beneficial for us both. Plus, he has a super cute puppy, which never hurts...

I also decided to use the couchsurfing network to better advantage, and joined the "Mendoza group," where I met a few friendly locals who were willing to indulge me in a little Spanish practice. Last week, I met Ana, a lawyer and native portena who now lives in Mendoza with her sweet family. We had a short but friendly conversation in Spanish and agreed to meet up every Friday evening when she takes dance classes in my neighborhood. Last night, I met another couchsurfer, a nice guy who owns a small taxi company and a big house in Godoy Cruz, a district on the north side of Mendoza. We talked for two hours in Spanish, until my brain started to get a little fuzzy and my vocabulary began to slip in a decidedly negative direction. Although we parted on friendly terms, I can't help but feel that the poor guy was a little bored, since I can still only discuss basic themes in Spanish and he speaks absolutely no English. Still, it was nice to sit outside and have a chat.

Since my Spanish is still a bit shaky for any sort of philosophical discussion and I feel hopelessly overwhelmed by the large gatherings of friends and family that are the norm here, I think I also need to seek out some friendly expats. When we first moved to Mendoza, Pat connected with a nice American guy who hosts an expat meet-up on Wednesday nights. Somehow, between my work schedule and my timidity, I never went. I think I will try and reconnect with him however, and see if I can find a friendly group of English-speakers who might like to indulge in a little face time with this lonesome American.

Weeks ago, I met a great American guy on the packed 5pm trole bus from downtown and I am still kicking myself for not exchanging contact info with him. The trole was packed, we got off at different stops, and I had a lesson to get home for. But now that I am feeling a little more extroverted, I wish I had made more of an effort to connect. I guess I was just hoping that given the small size of Mendoza, we might run into each other again someday. Here's to hoping that day still comes!

All in all, I feel like I need to make some connections here before I will feel anything close to contentment. A huge part of me wishes that we had opted to settle in Buenos Aires, where the big city environment would yield more chances to make connections, and the huge group of expats is exponentially easier to integrate with than the scattered group here in Mendoza. Another huge part of me wishes that I had studied Spanish (at all, or more ardently) before arriving, since I continue to feel that the language barrier is a huge disadvantage in making friends. In addition, teaching english all day affords me precious little chance for true interaction in Spanish, as I rush from one lesson to another and strive to make my students engage in meaningful, interesting conversations. I want nothing more than to sit on the other side of one of my lessons someday, and learn Spanish from a dedicated and (hopefully) engaging native speaker.

I opted to discontinue my lessons with Intercultural after the first month- worn down by the difficult, rush-hour bus commute across the city twice a week, only to be scolded by my professor for not squeezing in AT LEAST 4 hours of grammar study every week. None of the other students in my class worked, and I already felt inferior to their 4-7 years of previous study. I found myself feeling more reluctant to speak in Spanish after every class, convinced of my ineptitude in a language I never formally studied. So I'm trying a more non-traditional route and hoping that someone will have enough patience to hang out with my bad Spanish as it (hopefully) improves slowly. Although I did get a promising lead on a affordable private tutor in my neighborhood this week.

Finally, I wish I had committed to attending "teacher's day" at the new institute where I started teaching twice a week. Even though it costs money and most of the teachers are Argentines, it would have been a good opportunity to mingle on a day when I have no where else to be. I have learned many things about myself since I moved here, but coming to terms with my own natural introversion has been one of the hardest to accept. I have been blessed with many great friends in my life, but I realize now that most of them are the result of happy circumstance and not my own effort. After almost 5 lonely months, its time that I learned to step out of my comfort zone and take a chance. Maybe I am a more engaging person than I realize. Maybe we all are.